


My Andouille Don't Want None Unless You Got Buns Hun

by CatofApocalypse



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Food Kink, M/M, Masturbation, Perfectly Horrid Velocipedes, Role Playing, crack smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-28
Updated: 2020-01-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:47:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22448935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatofApocalypse/pseuds/CatofApocalypse
Summary: Aziraphale discovered he has a food kink, but not exactly the ordinary kind.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 40





	My Andouille Don't Want None Unless You Got Buns Hun

**Author's Note:**

> This was done for the Perfectly Horrid Velocipedes event of O Lord Heal This server on Discord.  
> Don't judge me...  
> Oh who am I kidding... I am that feral.

Something definitely was off about Aziraphale today.

Crowley thought as he laid there on the angel’s cozy sofa, his head rested on a cushion comfortably, another on his stomach so he could rest his elbows as he browsed things on his smartphone. No less than three times now had he heard Aziraphale stumble over something, or dropped his books, as the angel went about his daily bookshop routine. Something must be distracting him.

Another bump accompanied with angelic groaning and Crowley sighed. He pushed himself up, then set his phone aside.

“You alright angel? Need any help?” The demon called out.

“I’m fine, love!” responded Aziraphale, a little more hastily than he normally would have. “Everything’s fine. Tip-top. I’m just-”

Two slender arms wrapped around his soft belly made the angel stop. He looked over his shoulder at the serpent who had just “slithered” his way over and hugged him from behind. A faint blush rose to his cheeks.

“Are you sure? Sounded like you had trouble keeping things in order,” the demon purred into his ears.

“No, no, Crowley, it’s really is nothing… I am just… distracted is all.” 

Crowley’s eyebrows arched up curiously. Why did the angel look so embarrassed all of a sudden?

“Hmmm… What’s troubling your mind, Aziraphale?” he chuckled. “Don’t you want to share it with your _best friend_?”

“I-” The Principality stopped what he was originally saying to bite his lower lip, looking really anxious now. “Of course I would share anything with you, Crowley. It’s just… Ohh I don’t know… It’s ridiculous…”

“Try me,” growled Crowley, giving the angel’s temple a peck.

Aziraphale looked as if he was going to discoporate himself to save the trouble of telling, but then sighed in defeat. He set the book he was holding on the table next to them and spun around to face the demon.

“Promise me, you are not going to laugh,” said the angel with a very serious look on his face, like his life and dignity was depending on this.

“Would I ever laugh at you?” Laughed the demon, clearly not getting the memo.

“No seriously Crowley. If you laugh, I’m discorporating you.”

“Ngk,” Crowley gave a choked sound, then grinned, raising his hand for a vowing gesture. “I swear on my god-damned soul. I’d rather kiss Hastur’s pimply arse than laugh at my dear angel.”

* * *

Aziraphale sat Crowley down on the sofa again, then sat on the opposite armchair.

"So, what is it angel?" The demon asked eagerly.

Aziraphale placed both hands on his own knees. His fingers tapped at the joints there nervously.

“You see… Last time you told me I should try using the internet again."

"Mm-hm? I remember that," smirked Crowley with anticipation.

"... As of recently, I came across a website for movies. Not pornography, mind you." The angel quickly added. "But movies in general. I thought I should see what the humans have come up with these days. So I purchased an account. Oh but there were so many to choose from. I didn't know what to pick so I settled on a cartoon."

Crowley stopped stroking his chin to hold his breath expectantly.

"Have you ever seen 'Sausage Party'?"

"I have heard. That movie about food right?" The serpent grinned. "Never seen it really. What did you think of it?"

"It was... " Aziraphale cleared his throat again. The word that popped up in his mind was delicious. As in, a joke, but that would make his revelation sound weirder than it already was going to be. "It was peculiar. I found some of the scenes to be quite… memorable."

"Ooh, which scenes, angel?" The demon leaned forward curiously.

"The... ending was… interesting to say the least. I haven’t been able to get it out of my mind since," Aziraphale muttered, avoiding eye contact.

“Hmm?” Another wide smile spread across Crowley’s face. “Hold up, angel. Now you got me interested. Let’s watch that again right now, Aziraphale. Then maybe I’ll finally understand what was bothering you.”

“W-wait wait Crowley we-” Aziraphale frantically waved his hands. Too late. Crowley already miracled his laptop over to the coffee table. The demon hummed a tune as he waved a hand over the screen. The browser immediately took them to a pirated movie site.

“Really. Crowley. We don’t have to,” groaned Aziraphale, exasperated.

“We doooo~” the demon drawn out his words delightfully. He turned the laptop so that it was facing Aziraphale, then moved himself over to sit on the arm of the angel’s chair. Finally, he waved his hand again to start the movie.

* * *

As the credit rolled, they both were silent. Aziraphale was gripping his knees real tightly by now, staring at the ground, his face painted red in embarrassment. Crowley’s mouth was slightly gaping open. During the movie he had to take off his sunglasses several times to make sure what he was seeing was _what he was seeing_. And that ending really blew his mind. At least he knew what was going on now...

The demon swallowed before finally breaking the awkward silence.

“That ending was bothering you?” 

“Yes…” A soft reply came from his partner, almost inaudible.

Turned out Hastur’s buttocks weren’t that bad of an option. Crowley bit his tongue to hold back the laughter that threatened to escape his throat. 

“Was it too explicit for you? It wasn’t too bad for me. I mean, it’s just… animated food having some sort of an orgy.”

“It’s not too explicit… That’s hardly a problem… ” Aziraphale paused to start fiddling with the chain of his pocket watch. Crowley really wanted to urge him on by now, but knew that would do more harm than not.

"You know I have lists of things that humans do? That time when we were on a road trip together, I started taking notes on those short pornography, yes?"

Crowley stared at Aziraphale, unmoving, like an enchanted cobra.

"… I didn't really think much… watching them at the time. Nor have I ever gotten, um," the angel cleared his throat. "Turned on by any of it. I thought it was impossible for an angel like me. To be aroused by depiction of sexual activities that is. Until..."

“Until?” The serpent’s eyes grew even wider. A look of realization washed over his face. “Are you saying… _that_ was arousing for you?”

The angel nodded repeatedly.

“Awww... Aziraphale.” Crowley smiled softly, moving down to his knees so he could look at the angel’s face better. “It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. We all get stimulated by different things. You love food, don’t you. That explained it. Even if you don’t, it’s nothing wrong to be a bit warm watching food porn.”

“No, Crowley, you don’t understand… I…” Aziraphale squeaked. “I get- get like this-”

Crowley’s eyes followed where both Aziraphale’s hands were pointing. To the center of his angel’s thighs. Something was peaking up a tent down there.

“Oh.” Was all the demon could say. 

“I know what you are thinking, Crowley,” the angel muttered defensively. “It’s indecent. It’s- weird. I don’t know what’s happening to me. I love eating, no denying that. But to have an erection!? Crowley, do you think I’m odd???” Aziraphale looked at his demon with trembling lips, eyes almost watering.

“I don’t think so. I’ve seen worse.” Frowned Crowley. He certainly believed what he just said. Aziraphale just found out he had a kink that was all. People got turned on by weirder things. Like the idea of getting handsy with one’s beloved car for example. Well that was a whole different can of worms he wouldn't open. Yet anyway.

“I honestly don’t mind. If you like it, go for it,” The demon grinned encouragingly. “How about we get this taken care of, angel? Food kink can be fun if you get creative with it. We’ll do it however you want. ”

“However I want?” Aziraphale looked up with those innocent round eyes, though obviously there was nothing innocent going on behind that look.

“Yup.”

* * *

“MmmMmm” The angel moaned, swallowing the bite of sausage Crowley had fed him. 

“Good? Would you like another?”

“Mm...Yes dear, please,” 

The angel was half lying on the bed naked. His clothes had been removed and put neatly aside. He lay with his legs spread comfortably, one hand stroking over the raging erection he had.

Crowley placed one end of the Vienna sausage between his teeth, keeping it firmly locked in his mouth. He leaned down so his face was inches from the flustered angel’s. Aziraphale craned his neck a bit, his tongue flicked over the piece of food, trying to pull it into his mouth.

The demon chuckled. He locked their lips together then, delivering the food straight to his angel’s mouth. Aziraphale’s moan was heavenly, as it should. Their tongue rolled over each other’s, moisturizing the sausage just nicely. While not much of a foodie himself, Crowley had to admit the taste gave their kisses a much stronger flavor.

After some time, he pulled his tongue out to lick over the oily plump lips of Aziraphale, so his partner could chew on the meat. The angel pumped his member a little faster as he grinded his teeth on the sausage. More erotic sounds escaped Aziraphale and Crowley had to lean back a bit. He licked his own lips, a different kind of hunger manifested in his eyes.

“Enjoying yoursssssself, angel?” he hissed flirtily.

“Oh… Crowley… Yes… I love this.” Aziraphale continued to moan, squirming on the bed. However, he stopped stimulating himself and looked up. Once again, worry showed up in his eyes.

“But… something is missing, dear. I don’t know… It’s amazing but… “

Crowley raised his eyebrow in confusion. “You don’t like this type of sausage?”

“No, no. It’s definitely savory. Very delicious.”

“The… kiss wasn’t good enough?” Asked Crowley, suddenly nervous.

“Oh it’s definitely NOT that dear. You give the best kisses.” The angel reached up to pull Crowley’s face closer for a smooch on his cheek. Then when he let go of the angel was anxious again.

“I- I think I know what I need, Crowley. I’m just not sure if you would like that…”

Crowley put the plate on the nightstand and sighed. He gave Aziraphale a kiss on the forehead, stroking the angel’s hair with a hand. “Angel, you know I’d do anything for you. What is it? Tell me.”

“Umm…”

* * *

“Aziraphale, I’m going deep inside you now.”

“Ohh.. yes.. Crowley. Pleaseee. Fill me up with your thick meat! Split me open!”

Crowley slowly pushed… the tip of an andouille into the hotdog bun. The hotdog had a cute little tartan bow tie wrapped around it, whilst its penetrator had tiny sunglasses drawn on the surface.

“Ohh… Crowley… you’re so big. Aahhh..” The demon moaned in his best Aziraphale impersonated voice. He began moving the sausage in rhythm, slipping in and out of the bread. “Yessss, ooooh”

The angel was now sitting up, leaning on the headboard. He watched the show intensely, one hand working on his own erection. It was mouth watering. He swallowed when Crowley pulled the sausage out, sucked on it with his mouth to give it more lube, before going back to pushing it into the thick bun.

The dialogues were a bit out of character but he could talk about it later. All Aziraphale could focus on was that his whole body had grown hot with lust. Yes. This was the missing link. He didn’t need food porn in the figurative sense! What he needed was the actual fucking of food.

His hands pumping the erection started picking up pace. Aziraphale arched his back, eyes fluttering dreamily, then settled back down to groan in pleasure, watching the show again.

“Ahhn… Crowley… Please… faster… Yes!” The angel moaned out. Crowley decided he didn’t need to do both voices at this point. He continued helping the steamy sausage and bun with their copulation, growling sexily.

“You sound wonderful angel What a ssssight!” Voiced the demon, a deep chuckle escaped his throat. He sped up his hand movement. “Daaamn angel. You’re taking me in all the way to the hilt. Marvelous.”

Aziraphale mewled at the dirty praises. He reached his free hand to his mouth, wetting two fingers, which then went down to quickly locate his male corporation’s entrance. “Oh dear… Crowleyyy… Ahhnn.. You are rubbing all my insides!” He let out a yelping moan as he slid the fingers in.

“Ngk…” Crowley fell out of character in that moment. He gulped, staring at the sight for a moment before getting back to his “show”. Perhaps he, too, was getting more into this than he expected.

“Arggh Angel, you’re killing me, looking so damn sinful.” The demon continued voicing the sausage again. This time he turned to a different angle to show Aziraphale how the sliding of the wet sausage was sogging the bread’s inside.

“Yess… Ohhh Crowley… yes! Oohhh…” Aziraphale wiggled desperately on his bed. Precum started showing at the tip of his **_uncircumcised_ ** penis*, no less beautiful than droplets of water on a leaf early in the morning.

Crowley could definitely feel the tightness in his pants.

“I’m almost there, Crowley… ahhn…” the angel announced loudly, whimpering afterward.

The demon took a sharp breath and frantically miracled a mayonnaise-squeezer to his hand. He grinned. “Let’s do it together then, angel.”

Aziraphale gasped. He looked like he could faint at any moment when he realized what the demon was planning.

Crowley lifted the hotdog to his mouth so he could hold the protruding end of the andouille between his teeth. He started moving the bun this time, carefully still so the sausage could go in and out again as fast as he could without slips. The angel likewise pumped and fingered himself deeper.

“Oh Loooord! Hrghnn… Ah.. Ooah… Oh dear.. Crowley…” He panted and moaned passionately, body twisting along with the stimulation.

“Ooh fuck it feels so goood inside you…I’m coming, Aziraphalee~” Crowley’s mouth left the food for a moment to groan out. “Aagh damn… I’m coming!”

When his mouth went down on the sausage again, he moved the bun much faster than before while letting out grunts and voiceless groans. The mayonnaise made itself useful now, as the demon squeezed it hard onto the bun, despite still moving it. The result was an unholy smear of the dressing all over the ins and outs of the bread.

Aziraphale made a particularly loud moan when he saw that. His whole body reacted strongly to it. He arched his lower back forward at the same time a shot of sparkly ejaculation came out. It splattered the end of the bed, some even got onto the carpet floor. Crowley sucked in some air at the sight, which ended up with him almost choking himself on the wet sausage.

“Fucck…” He muttered, pulling the food out of his mouth. Then proceeded to pant as if he had just done a mile run. “I swear, Aziraphale, you are a fucking SIGHT!”

The angel relaxed his limbs, falling back onto the bed with a look of satisfaction. He hummed contently, stroking himself through the whole orgasm. “My dear… You were phenomenon as well…” He giggled.

Crowley’s smile was soft, though he winced when he had to move. His own erection had gotten out of hand already. The demon moved over to the bedside again, he knelt down to pet Aziraphale’s hair. 

“Are you feeling better now?” He asked, wiping some sweat off the angel’s forehead.

“Yes, dear. Thank you.” Purred Aziraphale. “But dear boy, it seems you aren’t.”

Crowley pouted. “Duh. How could I not get hard with you writhing like that?”

“I’m sorry, dear.”The angel giggled. He moved to leave room for the demon. “Come on~ Let me help you this time.”

“Sound like a good plan… what about… them though?” Laughed Crowley, pouting at the soggy hot dog in his hand. Aziraphale grinned mischievously.

“Oh we certainly shouldn’t waste it. I’m feeling more peckish now.”

He took the food from Crowley and waited for the demon to get his skin tight jeans off and joined him on the bed. Crowley turned around once he had that done, and blinked in confusion when he saw the hot dog was still uneaten. The only difference was that Aziraphale had removed the bow tie and the ink from it.

“I thought you were going to eat that…” Spoke Crowley.

“I was going to. But I thought it’d be fun to share.” The angel smiled, patting the empty space next to him. “Sit down dear.”

He pulled Crowley into a cuddle. One of his arms slipped under the demon’s back, wrapped around his body so he could get a hold of that erection as well. Crowley gasped at the touch and snuggled closer.

“It’s my turn to take good care of you now, my dear.” Aziraphale pecked Crowley’s cheek. He raised the hot dog up between their mouth. “Have a bite, dear.”  
  
Crowley eyed the thing, not exactly thrilled about eating something he had imagined to be sexual body-parts before. Still, he could never say no to his angel. The demon bit into the hot dog. It didn’t taste half bad. 

Aziraphale took his bite at the same time as Crowley did and hummed. His hand started working on Crowley’s shaft lazily as he chewed.

The demon shivered. He smirked at the blonde, then took another bite. Crowley used his free hand to turn Aziraphale’s head to his direction and kissed the angel, slipping the food into Aziraphale’s mouth with his tongue. The angel squeaked in surprise but then dreamily took in the flavorful kiss.

When they parted again, Crowley chuckled.

“You know what… the food kink might be growing on me a lil…”

“Really?” grinned Aziraphale excitedly. “That’s wonderful I’ve got more ideas on what we can-”

The demon shushed him with a finger to his rosy lips.

“That’s for another day, angel,” smirked Crowley. Aziraphale pouted.

There was a yelp as Crowley re-positioned them so that the angel was lying on his back staring up at him. 

“I’d rather actually sticking **my sausage** into **your bun** for our next course."

**Author's Note:**

> *Just an inside joke. Don't mind it lol.


End file.
